<?php
/**
 * <https://y.st./>
 * Copyright © 2017 Alex Yst <mailto:copyright@y.st>
 * 
 * This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
 * it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
 * the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
 * (at your option) any later version.
 * 
 * This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
 * but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
 * MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
 * GNU General Public License for more details.
 * 
 * You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
 * along with this program. If not, see <https://www.gnu.org./licenses/>.
**/

$xhtml = array(
	'<{title}>' => 'Self-acceptance',
	'<{body}>' => <<<END
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		Part of the project I needed to turn in today involved adding a saying.
		I started to write my own, but it turned into a full free-form poem.
		Once I have time to work on website structure, I&apos;ll probably find a place to put it more permanently.
		For now, I&apos;ve put it on the main index page.
		Finally!
		The index page has content original to this website, not copied from elsewhere on the Web.
		As usual, my work is released under the terms of the $a[GNU] {$a['GPLv3+']}.
	</p>
	<p>
		One of my coworkers seems to find my gayness funny.
		I don&apos;t find it funny myself, but at least someone&apos;s getting some amusement out of it.
		I don&apos;t care if he laughs, as long as he doesn&apos;t avoid me over it.
		And as long as he doesn&apos;t think I&apos;m coming onto him or something.
		I hear some straight people think gays are coming onto them if they reveal that they&apos;re gay.
		I&apos;m not though.
		I wouldn&apos;t hit on someone without knowing they&apos;re gay; I assume people are straight unless told otherwise.
		Besides, I think he&apos;s mentioned having a girlfriend or something at some point.
	</p>
	<p>
		My bisexual shift leader today mentioned wanting to be of the opposite sex as a child.
		Just like me.
		I wonder if wanting to be of the opposite sex is common in the queer community.
	</p>
	<p>
		My journal is getting kind of long.
		I think I want to break it into &quot;chapters&quot;.
		Each &quot;chapter&quot; link would just point to the beginning of an arc in my personal story, but they&apos;ll serve as bookmarks for finding major events more easily.
		Today will end the arc of my coming to terms with being gay.
		I think I&apos;ve made great strides and can finally stop hurting.
		It&apos;ll take time to get this set up though.
		It&apos;ll likely take some decent code-work to get it set up well.
		Plus, I&apos;ll need to go back and find the exact dates I consider to separate sections of my life.
		I don&apos;t really have time for that right now.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="mental">
	<h2>Mental health watch</h2>
	<p>
		I noticed today that I&apos;m still being rough on myself.
		I mean, I&apos;m no longer trying to stop being gay, but I&apos;m still frustrated about it.
		I need to stop this.
		I need to learn to embrace this.
		First of all, that&apos;s not fair to me.
		I can&apos;t choose to not be this (I tried), so it doesn&apos;t do me any good to keep up the self-loathing.
		I&apos;ve been trying to treat myself the way I need to be treated, but I don&apos;t need to be scorned for something I can&apos;t help.
		I especially don&apos;t need this from myself.
		I need to go easier on me.
		Also though ...
		I expect other gay people to accept and embrace what they are, and I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold others.
		I expect gay people to own up to what they are and show the world that there&apos;s nothing wrong with the gayness.
		So why is it that I&apos;m not doing that myself?
		I&apos;ve owned up to it.
		Almost everyone I come in contact with regularly knows I&apos;m gay.
		But why is it that I&apos;m not celebrating what I am?
		I have to be gay, sure.
		But I also <strong>*get*</strong> to be gay!
		It&apos;ll be hard, but this is what I have to work with and I should make it work well for me.
		Being gay shouldn&apos;t be painful like this.
		I should be setting an example.
		I have two very-specific needs that only a male can help me with.
		It&apos;s not shameful to seek someone that can help you fill your needs and rule out those that cannot.
		It&apos;s not even like I shun those that can&apos;t help me; I just expect them to choose a partner other than myself, a partner they&apos;re more compatible with.
	</p>
	<p>
		(Just to clarify, I don&apos;t expect gay people to be open about their gayness if they&apos;re in situations that make doing such dangerous.
		However, I <strong>*do*</strong> expect it from gay people in safe situations.
		The more of us that are open about who and what we are, the sooner being gay will no longer be thought to be a big deal.
		We owe it to ourselves and our kind to come into the light and not hide in the shadows.)
	</p>
	<p>
		Thinking further, I came to the conclusion that my sexuality should be about making <strong>*me*</strong> happy.
		Who cares if my sexuality incorporates some shallow elements?
		Until I commit myself to someone, my sexuality is mine and mine alone.
		I don&apos;t owe it to anyone.
		Even if I <strong>*had*</strong> been bisexual, it I was craving penises, I should choose not to pair with a woman.
		I should target a relationship that is likely to get me what I want out of live.
		If I&apos;m stuck with this sexuality, I might as well try to enjoy it.
		I would be absolutely <strong>*appalled*</strong> if I heard people were attempting to do what I attempted.
		I can&apos;t think of a single thing I can&apos;t do with a man that I could do with a woman either, save for one specific thing.
		But that thing is obviously not something I can in good conscious do anyway, for several reasons.
		Besides, a female could easily find a male besides myself; my future male mate might not be so lucky.
		It&apos;s not a bad thing to seek love within a minority group.
	</p>
</section>
END
);
